Embodied Consent
What is embodied consent?
Embodied consent refers to the idea that consent is not just verbal but also expressed through the body. This does not negate verbal affirmative consent as a safer sex practice, but rather adds a dimension to the individual experience before giving verbal consent, encouraging a pause to notice what is happening in the body.
Like many people, I learned no means no when I was a kid, and eventually by college it was yes means yes. But what about the maybes? What about the yes in the mind, but the body is in a fear response? For myself, and many of my clients, no one ever discussed the maybes or how to know what a yes really means in a full bodied way.
Embodied consent goes beyond verbal agreements; it encompasses the complex interplay between bodily sensations, emotional responses, and verbal communication. Factors such as trauma, power dynamics, and cultural influences profoundly shape the landscape of embodied consent, highlighting its multifaceted nature.
Embodied consent emphasizes the importance of respecting and responding to physical and emotional signals which is very much in alignment with humanistic psychology and body psychotherapy principles.
It’s also important to note that embodied consent can and should be attuned to and given for every act of intimate touch, including platonic touch, and could even be extended into the realm of personal space. Taking the time to do this requires breaking social norms and pausing to tune into the body and the self.
I like to say, simply put, “a heck yeah is a yes, a maybe is a not now/yet, and a no is a no”. (Dunne, 2024)
Some important uses of working on embodied consent in therapy are that it establishes a foundation of safety and trust, validates clients' experiences and boundaries, empowers clients to advocate for their needs and enhances therapeutic alliance and effectiveness.
Mellisa Walker, LPC and author of “Whole-Body Sex” states that “"[Sex without consent] demolishes the human right of body autonomy–the right to feel safe in your body and empowered in your decisions for yourself" (2020, p.2).
As a therapist, I inevitably encounter sexual trauma and personally know that sex without consent creates a traumatic wound, and can keep sexuality buried in the shadow under layers of protective body armor.
Sex with embodied consent, on the other hand, is healing and creates the groundwork for greater access to pleasure, connection with the self, a lover, and starts the process of unraveling shame. It can be an incredibly important part of reclaiming empowerment for sexual and relational trauma survivors.
Ultimately, embodied consent is about empowerment and the process of trusting the self to listen to and honor the body’s signals.
Teaching embodying consent in therapeutic practice promotes healing, empowerment, and relational safety. I strive to create this safety as a therapist and whether you are a fellow practitioner reading this, a client, a curious reader, or a friend, I ask you what relational safety means to you?
Many of us may have never experienced it, but you have the power to say “no”, and when aligned with your whole self—body, mind, and spirit, you have the power to say “yes”.
“Embodied Consent”—a poem by Casey Dunne
No in the body feels skittish
at first.
It’s a tentative whisper on uncertain winds
an inhale too sharp.
No is the fire of anger in the belly rising into the chest
sometimes
it is an instant
a spread of frost through the limbs and soul.
No is embodied
then disembodied.
Yes is disembodied
often.
Yes is the mind calculating reward over risk
The potential reactions of other
influences
decisions.
Yes embodied is desire —
a roaring through the blood
begging
more, please.
Yes embodied is
body safety
meshed with excitation
a swirling blend of sympathetic and parasympathetic.
Embodied bodies in contact
Feeling alive
on the edge of death
if this stops.
Don’t stop.
References
Walker, M. (2020). Whole-body sex: Somatic sex therapy and the lost language of the erotic body. Routledge.
